Why I Couldn’t Find What I Was Looking For in Thailand

Why I Couldn’t Find What I Was Looking For in Thailand

Did you know that Thailand is made up of roughly 96% Buddhists, 3% Muslims and 1% Hindus (These are the stats my personal tour guide, Ben, gave me. If they’re wrong, please use this thing called Google)? Knowing this info, no wonder the Thai people are happy as a clam and have IMMENSE gratitude for life. This is what was attractive to me. So naturally when the Groupon for a Thailand trip emerged, I opened that zero-interest credit card, and like magic, my spiritual trip was booked.

“I finally get to go on this spiritual trip and learn about who I am.” This was an actual sentence said in my head, and quite possibly a Facebook status. So I went on the trip, and it was amazing. Everything about it was phenomenal.  The best vacation I’ve ever been on. It was highly spiritual, I saw a lot of Buddhist temples, prayed a lot and paid my respects to the enlightened. But for some reason, I was still feeling unfulfilled. Of course, being the person that I am, I HAVE to question WHY.

A good friend of mine made a very profound observation about me a couple of months back. He said I am always asking questions about myself to other people. I am always looking for an external source to answer questions about…..MYSELF.

When you put it that way, it makes perfect sense. Why am I asking my best friend, “Was breaking up with [insert one of the infamous exes name here] the right thing to do?” The truth is that my good friend was right. After he made this clear to me, it all made sense.

Only we would resort to an analogy to explain my behavior. If I were a cup, filled with water, why would I bring more water into the cup? By grasping for external sources, I am overflowing my “cup” (sounds dirty doesn’t it?) with information I already have. I just have to look within to see it. Everything I need I’ve always had. The questions about myself that I need answering are there. I just have to do the digging myself, without any excess water. Profound isn’t it? It’s so simple I often wonder why I haven’t thought of this before. But people choose to see only what they want. Ignorance unfortunately, is bliss. It could also be the devil.

My vacation was very spiritual. I’m not KNOCKING it all. Traveling and seeing the world is such an honor, and my gratitude is colossal. I was just putting too much pressure on an external situation to provide clarity for my life. I’m home, in one piece, with lots of awesome memories. Now it’s time to get back to my grind.