Walking Into an Ex's House Unarmed
Only I would find myself on a random Tuesday night sitting in the living room of my ex-boyfriend and his girlfriend’s apartment. I was eating Qdoba (Chipotle is way better BTW) and just admiring the beautiful place they share together. Marble countertops and clean (and I mean super clean rugs). Why was I even there? I thought you’d never ask…
My ex and I share a bestie. This bestie is a very important person to me. He has done so much for me it’s unbelievable. I love him. A lot. He lives with my ex and his girl. Therefore, it was my duty and obviously the right thing to do to see the beautiful place with the beautiful view he has worked so hard to get.
I wish I didn’t put this off for so long (AN ENTIRE YEAR) because the truth is, walking into that apartment gave me a sense of closure I never knew I needed. It was so therapeutic, for a few reasons actually.
My ex’s energy was all over that apartment. His stuff, his cat, his watches. I remembered him. But this time, I remembered him for exactly who he was, as opposed to the person I so desperately needed him to be when I was in love with him. The blinders were off, and I could see clearly now. My heart could see clearly now.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but love is still blind. I left the apartment feeling amazing and I was filled with euphoria. I don’t want to be mad anymore. I can’t be mad anymore. I’m not mad anymore. I did the right thing. What’s to be mad about? That anger quickly turned to compassion.
Life is crazy sometimes when you think it will go one way, and shit hits the fan. You think people you trusted with your friendship and with your heart will never break it, but then they go ahead and do the very thing you’ve feared all along.
The great thing about all this is that life goes on. Fear is also not real. The best is yet to come; you just haven’t experienced it yet.