The Communication Device That Rules My Life
These days, everyone is busy living their own lives, including myself. We are always out and about and on the go. With us, is our precious cellphone, the quintessential ‘extra appendage.’ Let’s be honest with ourselves here, if we leave our cellphones at home, it will more than likely give us a small panic attack. But for me, I would classify this panic attack as GINORMOUS and it is just not ordinary behavior.
I will not sit here and tell you that I don’t have an addiction to my phone. That would be a LIE. I am not in denial, which is why I’m writing about it. My addiction to my phone, and I believe my best friend would agree, is a bit out of control at this point.
Time to use consciousness to figure this shit out….
Well, for starters, everyone uses their phone when they feel socially awkward or bored in a group setting. I feel as this is normal, and let me tell you, I feel awkward A LOT at parties (being awkward comes very naturally to me). But outside of a social setting, when I’m at home, I find myself concerned about the whereabouts of my phone a little TOO OFTEN. I also noticed I scroll through the social apps, making sure that I hadn’t left anyone hanging in a conversation. I ALWAYS make sure to answer everyone ASAP. I think it’s rude if I don’t. But I think there’s a DEEPER reason behind it.
I feel as if I have to be connected to the outside world at ALL times, ESPECIALLY if I am physically alone. I noticed that when my roommate went to Hawaii for two weeks. I was alone in the house and had my phone in close proximity to me a majority of the time. When I wasn’t checking my cellphone, I was either out drinking, smoking weed, or having some sort of distorted reality to remind myself I wasn’t PHYSICALLY alone. This behavior is especially abnormal to an introvert like myself, who actually re-energizes in solitude.
There it is, the biggest culprit in my unhealthy attachment to my cellphone. I feel the need for constant social interaction. But I’m an introvert, something is STILL not right. I don’t feel lonely, and it’s not boredom either, I can ENTERTAIN myself for days (I’m a hoot, I promise you).
SHIT, MOTHERFUCKER, SHIT. I get frustrated trying to figure it out! The closest thing I can come up with is my severe attachment issues. You know, where I can’t LET GO OF ANYTHING (SMDH). I’m attached to the social interaction of the outside world, and I can’t let it go so easily.
BUT (there’s a but)! I have been taking conscious actions to rid myself of this rachet behavior. I have been practicing putting away my cellphone in social settings and not looking at it until the end of the night. It’s hard (comparable to Guantanamo Bay) but I get through it. The anxiety factor is high, but I fight through it. It’s funny because I notice I get a deeper connection with the people I’m communicating with. My full attention is on them, and I’m not checking my emails or Tindering (a whole other post, DO NOT GET ME STARTED RIGHT NOW). The irony is that a social situation is happening right in front of my beautifully tanned face, I just have to get my face out of the electronic device to notice.
I practice Buddhism for the shear fact that, I WANT TO END MY SUFFERING. A huge component of suffering is, you guessed it, ATTACHMENT. Once you are free of all external means, you will be at peace. I want peace! I want to end the suffering.
Alright, well, that shit doesn’t happen overnight. But it DOES happen. It WILL happen. Miracles happen every day, and I’ll never stop believing that! So, more work to do internally, but it’ll all be worth it in the end……