Attachment to Outcome: My Greatest Vice

In one day, the following four things happened:

  • My sister expressed that I was being unsupportive of her.
  • My best friend pointed out that I sometimes act like I’m better than other people.
  • My broker told me my dad may not qualify as my co-signer.
  • My job told me they have to put the company on a salary and bonus freeze. Goodbye for now, money!

So, in a nutshell, I lost my compassion for my sister, my empathetic nature I thought I ALWAYS express, possibly my *DREAM* NYC apartment, and my salary raise and bonus ($$$).

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It’s a lot to handle. I cried. A lot. Thankfully, my temporary roommate and friend was kind enough to lend support and it actually felt a lot like her coaching ME.

Then the guilt flowed through my veins; I NEED TO BE STRONGER. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. As a coach, I shouldn’t have to be coached by someone else. I have everything I ever needed right inside of me. Yes, I just had an avalanche of bad things happen to me, but I shouldn’t be a blubbering mess because of it!

Well besides the lack of compassion I was showing myself, I also realized I was yet again attaching myself to the outcome. Some people smoke, some people gamble, but I ATTACH, and it can lead to a lot of disappointment.

I AM ALWAYS SUPPORTIVE AT ALL TIMES TO THOSE I LOVE. That’s the attachment. I failed at that yesterday with my sister. I failed at the ATTACHMENT of that idea. Therefore, I can’t let it go. Suffering at its finest.

I AM MOVING TO MY NYC APARTMENT on April 1st! Now that idea seems to be a ‘maybe’ as long as you get the paperwork worked out. If that doesn’t happen, I fail at the attachment of moving on 4/1.

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Damn, I’ve done a lot of ‘failing’ in one day. Maybe a simple mindshift will change that……

“I want the best for my sister because I love her, and don’t want her to get hurt or fail. I acted in a controlling manner, and it was construed as unsupportive. I will apologize and try not to make the same mistake again. I forgive myself.”

“If I don’t move into my NYC apt by 4/1, it’s okay , I won’t spontaneously combust. I am upset I told everyone it was a DONE DEAL because I was so excited about it. Now the outcome relies on my landlord and broker, and is out of my hands at this point. I will take a few deep breaths and remember the universe has my back at all times. I am too hard on myself. I lacked a lot of compassion for myself. I forgive myself.”

Mindset shifts. They can make or break your day. There will always be things beyond my control. And that is okay. I am safe. I am loved. I have complete trust in the universe.