This is a question I’ve been thinking about for a very VERY long time. My journey goes something like this…. When I was in my early 20’s, I got called ‘selfish’ a lot. Mostly by my own family, and a lot of the time by my friends. I remember a roommate and friend of mine, got into a fight, and he told me that I don’t make my friends and family my number one priority and I am super selfish.
Well, that hurt. I kept thinking to myself, am I selfish? I always tried to make decisions based on what I thought would make me happiest, never really putting myself into others people’s shoes (aka having very little empathy).
As I got older and hit my spiritual awakening, I realized how selfish I was truly being at times. My poor ex-boyfriend didn’t get a say in anything we did, and I practically ran that relationship like some kind of inconsiderate asshole. ALWAYS ON MY TIME. ALWAYS ON MY SCHEDULE.
I was hurt by someone who I believe to be a narcissist, which entails a personality structure that inhibits very little empathy. So in a weird way, my karma was being fulfilled (damn, that was fast). And I have to tell you, it did not FEEL GOOD on the receiving end.
Welp! THAT WAY OF LIFE WASN’T WORKING FOR ME ANYMORE. So now, I had decided to come from a place of EXTREME EMPATHY. I had found that that wasn’t quite working either. I was letting people walk all over me, not speaking up about what I truly wanted, saying ‘yes’ to everything, and ended up feeling so much more powerless than ever. NOT GOOD.
So I started to work on myself and get stronger. I started speaking up for what I truly believe and wanted and starting saying ‘no’ to things I just straight-out wanted to do.
But then comes the very question, WAIT, is that selfish?
To me, baby showers are boring. I absolutely can’t stand them, but when a good friend of yours is having one, YOU JUST HAVE TO GO, right? That’s the RIGHT thing to do.
Actually, there is no right or wrong, only interpretation. Everyone has a different perception and everyone has their own truth.
I am highly sensitive, so being selfish is an act of self-protection, making sure I don’t slip into a deep depression if I continue to live a life that is not true to myself. So by following your truth and intuition, yes, you can be perceived to others as selfish. PERCEIVED being the key word; it’s only THEIR perception.
So if you’ve over-exhausted yourself during the week and want to take time to have a self-care weekend and skip the baby shower, I say, DO YOU. After all, we shouldn’t take things too personally, and hopefully the mother-to-be should understand that.
HOWEVER, let me leave off with this; treat others the same way in which you want to be treated. This means, if you happen to blow off every baby shower you’re ever invited to, and all of a sudden, you find yourself with a bun in the oven and all NO RSVPs, it will just be a direct result of your behavior.
So keep following your intuition when it comes to self-care vs. selfishness, you’ll know the line when you cross it. I wish you a balanced and happy life! Namaste lovers!