I’m not sure why I am even writing to you, you do not even exist. Every morning before work, I do a fear clearing exercise reminding me of that very fact. The only thing to fear is fear itself. But somehow, you keep appearing, especially in my ‘money story’ (attachment to money). I am afraid I will run out of money starting this business. I am afraid I will be broke. But the funny this is, I don’t believe that for one second. And belief is a powerful thing. I don’t believe it because I KNOW what the truth is. In starting this business, my last remaining factor is my ‘money story’. This is what is preventing me from doing great things. Money does not define me. I don’t even want that much. I just want to live comfortably and without debt.
The kicker is, if I stop picking up every little odd freelance job that comes my way, I can achieve this goal. I KNOW this is true. I now understand VERY clearly I have to acknowledge this fear every single day. The fear clearing exercise in the morning is just not enough. I need more support. I was on IGC’s Group Coaching call last night, and I said I was ANGRY that I literally have to do exercises every single day. But that is the day in the life of a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Acceptance of this fact is necessary. I see people every day dealing with their emotions so easily. It seems effortless to them. That’s when I get angry. But it’s all part of acceptance.
I know I’m not alone. This is why I’m in this business; I don’t want ANYONE to ever feel alone. I have a bigger purpose here on earth. I KNOW THIS.
For some reason I keep choosing the freelance jobs EVERY SINGLE TIME. That opportunity to make money, dangling in front of my face. I’m done with this toxic loop. I don’t want to do this anymore. I am sick, I am run down.
I am afraid to tell my freelance boss that I quit. He is a ball of negative energy and I’m afraid of what he’ll say. I told him I was looking for a LONG-TERM freelance gig back in October. It is now December and I’m quitting. That phone call is going to be hard. I’m going to do it anyway. He can’t hurt me.
If I don’t do this, I will continue this unhealthy cycle of working for money at jobs I am not fulfilled and satisfied with. I’m the most ambitious person I know. Time to focus my energy on my blog and my coaching business. I have a Masters in Digital Communications for Christs sake, I know what I’m doing. I know what I’m capable of. I just need the time to do it.
Money is in abundance to me, not in lack. I will be making that phone call to my boss tomorrow.
This is the absolute last time I’m doing this. THE LAST TIME.
So, fear, pack your fucking bags and GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE.