“You’re such a man-hater.”
Those were words that came flying from my best friend’s mouth about 3 weeks ago. She claims she was half-kidding, but it really made me wonder why she would say that in the first place.
I have to say, one of my favorite lines is, “Boys are so dumb.” Look, it’s no secret men are from Mars and women are from Venus. On a daily basis, I feel like all men are just little boys trapped inside a man’s body.
So once I recognize these thoughts, I realize I am creating judgments around their behavior, and try to cut that shit out.
But wait, is that just enabling them? Are we supposed to look the other way when the boys in our life are acting a fool? Breaking girls’ hearts, being narcissistic assholes, drunken buffoons, and all-around wild animals? As women, we feel this natural desire to change their behavior. There you go, I just said it. WE WANT TO CHANGE THEM.
But, call me crazy; shouldn’t we be in relationships where we accept the other person how they are? But then again, should we accept such outlandish behavior? I don’t accept that type of behavior from friends, so why would I when it comes to relationships?
LOVE. I get it. I once got punched in the face because love made me so blind (long story, that’s worthy of a whole other blog post). We love them. We LONG to change them, to be the men we want.
Yet, in reality, and it took me a really long time to understand this, is that this is NOT how a healthy relationship should be.
I’ve been single for a really long time now, and have been dating like crazy in those 3 years. I’ve come across finance douchebags (NYC is home to them), insecure sweet men, narcissistic assholes, you name it. EVERY SINGLE type of guy you can imagine. But still, with all of them, something isn’t right. My intuition does not scream, THIS IS IT.
Yes, everyone has flaws, and you may be thinking, “NOTHING MAKES THIS GIRL HAPPY, THAT’S WHY SHE’S SINGLE.” But, in reality, since really digging deep on the type of person I am, I have a certain set of values I need in a partner.
I’m super sensitive, and I need a partner to, at the very least, UNDERSTAND that part of myself. I have a ton of goals and am on the move constantly, I need someone to understand that part, too.
I don’t really see an issue with holding yourself to your VALUES. I mean, isn’t that the most empowering part of being a woman? Standing up for what you believe in? I may go to bed alone every night, but I do it with a smile, knowing I’m not in an unhealthy relationship with a partner to just be in one.
Look, love IS the most beautiful thing in the world. I CAN’T WAIT to be in a loving relationship again. It’s worth the wait. And all the bad dates (there’s been a ton) will be a distant memory. But I know if I stick to my values and really will it into the universe, it will happen.
I have a lot of single friends and I can honestly say they are some of the most empowering women I know. It helps to be around awesome women who share the same views on dating and relationships.
So when people actually make the assumption that you are single because you’re a man-hater, something is wrong with you, you’re too picky, etc. etc., know that you KNOW the truth. And ESPECIALLY don’t listen to what other people are pressuring you to do. My grandmother literally asks me when I’m going to get a ‘beau so I can stop working.’ It’s all just NOISE at the end of the day.
Stay strong, stay beautiful, stay empowered, stay knowing :)