Are You Choosing Love With Threesomes? My Thoughts on Monogamy #TeamMonogamy
HAHAHA YES I’m writing about this. Monogamy is a beautiful thing. To me, it’s actually the easiest thing in the world, especially when you are deeply in love with your partner. BUT, with that being said, I have not had a relationship last over two years, so I’m not really sure you would call me an expert on the subject.
When I hear about people having threesomes, I automatically think, ‘Okay well, what’s wrong with three people exploring their sexuality.’ But when I hear that two people involved happen to be in love with each other, it outright BAFFLES me.
I just have a hard time processing how jealousy doesn’t play a HUGE role in threesomes. Or, maybe it does, and people just don’t talk about it. Or maybe some people are so confident in their relationships that they don’t even give it a second thought. Jealousy is for sure a negative emotion, but it sure is human. People are territorial by nature (not sure if men or women are more biologically prone).
As a practicing Buddhist (emphasizing PRACTICING), the teachings suggest choosing love at all times and in lieu of any other negative emotion. This is the way I attempt to live my life. So if that rings true, love trumps jealousy. So if your partner is feeling trapped, and suggests a threesome, does choosing love mean giving them the freedom to feel free?
I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time now and I try to visualize if I was ever put into that situation if I would ACTUALLY be able to go through with it. If I knew myself at all, I would say I most certainly wouldn’t be able to, and not just because of the jealousy reason, but because of guilt. I’m known to feel guilty at times, and I have a hard time letting things go. Like when I didn’t pay for the Kind protein bar at the supermarket some time ago, I felt GUILTY FOR WEEKS. BUT, jealousy and guilt are just the emotions I would be dealing with. What I think would really stop me, is my very, very, very HIGH ego. Egotistical thoughts such as ‘How dare my partner want to bring someone else into the bedroom, am I NOT enough?’ EGO and FEAR OF INADEQUACY are linked very closely to each other. Thoughts such as these bring me GUILT, knowing I am choosing ego over love. But love is freedom, and freedom is a very beautiful thing.
When I look back on my past relationships, there has not been a single one where I have felt FREE. I’m beginning to think maybe I felt this way because I felt I HAD to adhere to acting a certain way. It’s not in my nature to just do whatever I want, because when someone else loves you, and you love them, it’s important to take their feelings into consideration. The last thing anyone ever wants to do is hurt the person they love. Yet, it is a fact that is inevitable.
My ego is huge and I have a hard time letting go because of it. It’s so large and in charge that I can easily identify it in others. When my ex’s move on, I tend to feel inadequate and angry. I let my ego control me for longer than it should, until I have no choice but to surrender to love. Love is love, even if it’s loving from a distance, and watching them run off into the sunset with a new partner. HOWEVER, although my ego is large, I am very grateful it’s not bigger than my heart, because in the end, I always choose love. The process just takes a lot longer than most other people….
Although what I’m saying does make sense, I can’t help but wonder why I’m such a hopeless romantic to begin with
I mean don’t get me wrong, I feel as I’m a hybrid of a hopeless romantic AND a free spirit (more so, hopeless romantic). If we are not meant to be monogamous why do I have dreams of a beautiful monogamous relationship equipped with unicorns and rainbows accompanying us every step of the way? Do I not live in the real world? OR are people so jaded these days? I say that often, people are jaded. ‘Everyone cheats’ is something I hear often. Not true. Don’t give up, you’re just messing with the wrong people.
Maybe those who participate in threesomes within their relationship are onto something. Maybe my monogamous ways are limiting and just TOO FARFETCHED. It’s a possibility my fear of inadequacy is so large it consumes me. ‘Fear clings and love let’s go.’ I love that saying, it’s just so beyond true <3