I have superpowers...
Last Halloween (I used the costume for Comic Con as well, BTW awesome time, you NEED to go at least once in your lifetime) I dressed up as Wonder Woman. I have to admit, I KNOW shit about her character. As I walking around Comic Con I interacted with a few fans who asked me where my Lasso of Truth is. I assumed it was the gold lasso around my utility belt, but had no idea why it was called this. Apparently, by locking someone in this lasso, they ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO tell the truth.
Hmmm. I spend my whole life trying to find the truth about things, which now explains my deep love for documentaries. How ironic is it that this belt had found me....
I KNOW what you’re thinking, the Lasso of Truth is not real. LOL. Ok, I know. But this irony (which in retrospect isn’t really irony, but a doing by the universe; I was meant to wear that belt) really made me think. Here I am, dressed as Wonder Woman, a SUPERHERO, trying to force others into speaking their truths. Hmmm...
Underneath my long dark hair (thanks Hairfinity, neither here nor there), underneath my gloriously tanned skin, and everything exterior that REALLY doesn’t matter, lies something so deeply ingrained in my soul. That something is my inner most desire to SAVE EVERYONE.
I notice that when I feel bad for people, and I go out of my way to save them, I am actually doing more harm than good; ESPECIALLY when this interferes with my self-care and my self-love. I often find myself neglecting my needs to save others, ESPECIALLY if I love that person. FORGET IT. It’s like my needs don’t exist anymore….
This whole deep desire has led me to coaching, which is the practice of love and support for another, without telling them what to do and what they SHOULD be doing. It’s also a practice of unattachment. The only way to influence and change others is to be THAT CHANGE. Gandhi said, ‘Be the change you want to see in the world.’ He certainly didn’t say, ‘Yell at people you feel need to be saved, until they resent you and hate you.’
I’ll never forget how my ex-boyfriend told me how horrible his current girlfriend was. How she lies, and cheats (turns out he does, too), so he breaks up with her. During those months I did everything to console him, be there for him, the whole nine yards. I was even there for him when he showed up in the middle of the night crying about it. I sacrificed myself yet again. When he got back to her, it was a blessing in disguise. I learned my lesson (for what I THOUGHT was the last time).
Flash forward to another few months and a man comes into my life, who I deem ‘on my level.’ We talk about The Secret, our love for Deepak Chopra, and our love for MJ. It’s a dream come true! UNTIL, I find myself trying to save him too…..
I feel bad a lot, because he has kids and has had a bad life. His father was killed in a drunk driving accident months before he was born, his ex-wife picked up and moved to Florida leaving the kids (he also can’t obtain child support from her because she’s a bartender that works on tips so it can’t be legally taken from a paycheck), AND to top it all off, he may have fathered another child with his ex...
It’s hard not to judge, especially when you’re human and you have high standards for yourself. Of course I want to help him, and long story short, I gave him my credit card for something and the outcome was, well, not in my favor. I got burned, as usual, for trying to help. This is what happens when you’re a good person….
But instead of playing the victim, my next step could be to the change my behavior. What I do KNOW, is that it’s never too late to rewrite your story. It’s never too late for anything.
I don’t want a partner who can’t be conscious enough to help himself. This doesn’t mean I’m better than him, this simply means we’re not on the same playing field. I don’t want to spend my life having someone drag me down, instead of lifting me up. No one should be saving anyone else, except themselves. And let’s change the word ‘saving’ to ‘becoming the best version of yourself by living your highest truth.’ Yeah, that definitely sounds a lot better…….
It’s funny how much more time you have on your hands when you’re life doesn’t revolve around saving people…….