You know you’re having an anxious breakdown when you stop for ice-cream on your way home from work and end the day with having weird dreams about going through some sort of exorcism. Oh you know, just another typical day in the life of Justine Luzzi.... Yesterday, for a whole bunch of reasons I can loosely pinpoint now, I was feeling beyond anxious. On top of anxiety, I felt FEAR in the deepest part of my heart. I was terrified yesterday. On my way home from work, I called my best friend, and BEST life coach EVER. I talked to her about my feelings, then headed to the Baskin Robbins on my way home from the train station, got myself a sugar-free vanilla double scoop, and headed home for the ultimate act, PRAYING.
Luckily my roommate wasn’t home, so I closed the door and lit some incense. I laid down in the dark facing upwards and I put my hands together. I just started to cry, I was overwhelmed with desperation. Desperation for strength. I felt weak. I felt anxious. I felt fearful. So I prayed for the strength to overcome all of these obstacles. I prayed. I prayed. I prayed.
After about twenty minutes of prayer and a major sob-fest, I opened my eyes and just laid there. Really, what I was praying for was a miracle. A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love. That’s what I needed, and I needed it BAD.
This whole debacle had taken a lot out of me, so naturally I was drained. I proceeded to smoke some weed to calm myself a bit. This led to twenty more minutes of contemplation, followed by passing the hell out, in my work clothes, and make-up still on.
And just when you think this Friday night is done...
Ever have a dream where you wake up and feel terrified and confused at the same time? Well, that was me last night. The dream goes like this:
I was lying in bed tossing and turning. My roommate opens the door without knocking and says ‘Don’t you have to go somewhere tonight?’ I angrily flew up from the bed like some sort of ninja/demon child (LOL, WTF, I smoked weed, not hits of acid) and while I was mid-air my head spun around on a 360 angle and I projectile vomited everywhere.
WTF is that about!? I mean, very peculiar and frightening. I can assume I had a scary dream based on all the fear in my heart. But let me tell you, that is by far, one of the weirdest and scariest dreams I ever had. So while you were at the local bar chillen with your friends, I was having an anxiety attack, smoking a dooby, having exorcism dreams, and sleeping for 13 hours straight.
Today I woke up feeling better, energized, and ready for the day. Not sure what part of my Friday night ritual helped, but I won’t be asking anymore questions for now. It’s Labor Day Weekend!
Everyone be safe and always, ALWAYS choose love (FEAR be gone!)