Dear Future “Broken” Self,
Hello, dear. God, you are so beautiful! Did you tell yourself that today? Anyway, it’s me, Justine, from the present moment. I heard you’re not doing so well….
I’m writing you as a reminder. I’m reminding you of how fearless you are. I’ve been feeling extremely powerful lately and at the peak of something great, and since a photograph can’t capture my feelings, I had no way, other than this letter, to remind you of who you really are.
I just heard you call yourself “broken” again, just as I had heard you say three years ago, crying on your living room floor. I remember that moment, you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t eat, you’d been crying so much. The pain was so intense you really didn’t know how you’d EVER recover. You didn’t even understand WHY you were feeling so much pain.
Even further back than that I can remember, you thought you were broken again. “Something is wrong with me”, you would say. In fact, you’ve said that a lot. You’re just sensitive, baby girl, and that is OKAY. You KNOW that is okay. Are you saying that again today? If you are, you KNOW you are not speaking the truth. Because in fact, you KNOW there is nothing wrong with you.
If you are reading this letter crying helplessly on the floor again, you KNOW why. You know the universe is teaching you something. You know the universe doesn’t give you what you can’t handle. Please don’t forget that truth because the pain is so intense.
Are you still on the floor? I have to keep checking on you because the only person who can save you is yourself. Your bad-ass self belongs standing tall, not ruining those bad-ass unicorn leggingson that floor you hate to clean (do I know you or what?)
I know it hurts, more than the average person (#empathprobz). But if you feel you need to chill there for a while longer, have compassion for yourself, and do just that.
However, maybe this will help. Look at your body. Check out your tattoos, check out your scars. Remember the tattoo? It was so much pain. That was two years ago. I remember you thinking ‘this pain doesn’t even compare to the emotional pain I feel.’ So you took it like a bad-ass. Also, look at your face, your scar above your lip, you know what that’s from. Emotional scars from a lover you thought loved you. Or, more importantly, look at your wrists. There’s a few faint lines from cutting that still can be seen in the sunlight. I want you to look at them.
Did you really survive all of that? You may be on the floor, but you are alive. How strong are you!
Did you get up? I KNOW in my heart, you can get up.
Now put this letter away until you need it again. IF you ever need it again. Maybe you won’t ever need it at all.
You are love. You are enough. You will survive this. But you already KNEW that.