Can Ex’s REALLY Be Friends?
The TIMELESS question. The truth is, I really don’t know the accurate answer. But I’m willing to share my thoughts on the subject since well, in an ideal world, I’d be best friends with all of them!
So you’ve loved someone but for some strange reason, sometimes beyond your control, the relationship just does not work out. So where is that love supposed to go? I CERTAINLY do not support a friendship any time soon after the breakup. It is WAY too soon. Depending on the nastiness scale of the breakup, it could take YEARS. But that is perfectly fine, and accordingly to my calendar, I feel this to be completely normal. It sucks, but it is completely customary. Please don’t confuse my ‘it sucks’ to just brushing it off. It’s actually going to hurt very deeply, and I’m sorry you have to feel that pain in the first place.
I’m not sure if anyone FULLY heals from a breakup. But the healing time is important. I would listen to what your body is telling you when you decide to be around this person again. How are they really making you feel? This could give you a really good idea of whether you are ready to have them in your life, OR if you really want them back in your life to begin with.
With some experience and some knowledge, I’ve come up with some tips that have helped me when it comes to the ex-files. I just hope my experiences can help.
1. Hope can be a very beautiful thing. This is one of the very few instances I can think of, when it actually does you a disservice. If you and your ex are reconciling as friends, in the HOPE that you or him/her get back together, than the friendship will never work. There will always be that intention or expectation lurking in the shadows. It’s emotionally draining and just unhealthy. If there is even the slightest bit of hope, I highly advise to stay away.
2. There is love still between you and your ex, and this is undeniable. The love has most likely shifted, but I KNOW love never goes away, it lives within all of us. With this love between the two of you, it is more than likely that a physical connection still exists. With all the chemicals and pheromones that are released during a sexual encounter, it is just not worth the confusion and heartache. If you feel you can’t be around them without experiencing sexual chemistry, I would make an assumption that you two are not ready to be friends.
3. Start off with group settings and being in the presence of your ex and their new significant other. Try to identify how you feel. In groups, are you upset this person isn’t paying more attention to you? Around your ex and their new partner, are you feeling jealous or inadequate? Identifying your feelings is half the battle. Don’t torture yourself. If you can’t handle these situations, and they produce more negative than positive feelings, the timing on being friends is still not quite right.
4. How exactly do you want this person in your life? Friends that talk every day? Friends that have coffee once every three weeks to catch up? You and your ex should set boundaries as to what type of friendship works best for you two. ALWAYS OVER-COMMUNICATE.
Well, hope that helps! I know how deep the desire to be friends with an ex can feel. One moment they are in your life in abundance, and the next they are ripped from it like a death. It’s traumatic and it’s really deeply sad. If it’s meant to be you will be friends again, granted if you even want to. The only thing I can say is to have faith. You must always put YOUR feelings ahead of anyone else’s and if the experience is producing more negative feelings than positive, then it’s just not the right time. It may NEVER be the right time either, and that is OKAY too. Be strong and trust your journey!