My Mediocre Relationship With My Grandma And Why I Think My Mom Forces It

I would like to start this blog post with the following: I LOVE MY GRANDMA

I LOVE MY GRANDMA

I LOVE MY GRANDMA

It’s true! I love my grandma! She is a sweet and caring lady. Yes, does she has nothing to talk about with my sister and I except about whether we have gained or lost weight (ummm, Donald Trump is leading in the polls, Monsanto Corporation is producing mass quantities of genetically modified food that Americans are shoving down their throats with a smile, and we have a mass shooting throughout the country on a bi-weekly basis, and YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THOSE EXTRA 5 POUNDS?!). But yes, she comes from a different generation where women sat around and gossiped and talked about how their appearance was to men, all while smoking the cancer-sticks. So, with that in mind, I silently forgive her, while still shaking my damn head.

So as you can tell, I do not have much in common with my grandmother. It makes me a little sad when I think about it, because I actually know a few people who have VERY close relationships to their grandparents. In fact, one of my best friends is closer with her grandma then her own mother. Not that there’s anything WRONG with that (did I just quote Jerry Seinfeld?) but that’s just how the universe intended it.

So if this makes me sad, why don’t I just change it? I am fully responsible for all the changes I make in my life. YES, this is true. But you can’t teach an old grandma new tricks…

Ready for a truth bomb?

Anyone has the power to change. Hell, look at my slogan ‘It’s never too late to rewrite your story.’ TRUTH BOMB. But the deep intuitive part of myself tells me, grandma is totally fine just chillen, and self-improvement is not on the agenda.

Okay, so here’s a HUGE difference between grandma and I: My life is all about self-improvement, spirituality, growth, coaching, getting out of your comfort zone, bringing issues to the surface, etc, etc (HELLOOOOO, look what I’m doing for a living now LOL).

Why am I bringing this up? Because this all simply means: WHAT THE FUCK DO I TALK TO GRANDMA ABOUT? And the more important one: How do I FORCE this connection with someone I have no common foundation with?

The type of person I am, (and my sister, too, this is something we can agree on), we CAN’T be fake. When something is FORCED upon me, I literally can’t pretend I like it, if I don’t. This happens because my intuition is so strong, that if I do something against my deepest desires, an alarm will go off. Since heightening my intuition for the last three years, these feelings are usually obvious and even STRONGER than ever before.

Then this is where the guilt comes in. DAMN, I sound like a horrible person because I am saying that forcing a connection with my grandma is hard. But then I resort back to my coach training, and realize, that is just an interpretation of the guilt. Whatever FEELS right to you is actually the right thing to do, despite who you’re disappointing. In this case, it’s my mom.

After my grandpa passed away two September’s ago, my mom has been scolding (she won’t call it scolding, but in my eyes, that’s how I FEEL) us to have a closer relationship with her. After 60-something years my grandma is alone for the first time in her life.

Compassion is a feeling, not an action...

I have so much compassion for her. That must be so hard. I remember after my HORRIBLE breakup with someone I thought was my best friend; I had my ACTUAL best friend, sleep next to me every night for like 4 weekends in a row. Imagine sleeping alone after 60-something years? I can FEEL her pain, especially since I am an empath.

So throughout the last year, my mom has been selflessly taking care of her, and making sure she is okay, which I must say, is beautiful beyond words. But I’m sure a part of why she’s doing that, is simply because SHE HAS A CONNECTION WITH HER. It is her own mother after all (even though I know people who have NO connection with their mothers, and that’s okay too). But my mom seems to forget the connection part, and makes assumptions on that interpretation that my sister and I lack compassion, which is far from what the reality actually is.

Not only do my grandma and I have little connection as far as interests, the past plays a LARGE part in it. My mother has never told my sister and I to call our grandma, visit our grandma, bond with our grandma, NOT ONCE. This was the pattern for 29-years, and now that grandpa is gone, the routine changes. Rightfully so, but the habit is now completely new, and for her to get angry because this new habit is hard to stick to (stemming from the lack of connection), is in a way, lack of compassion on her part.

Gandhi is the shit

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but if I am being honest with myself, my bonds and connections come from those who I feel really value me and my aspirations, and really, really GET me. And I find it VERY easy to call a friend that was truly THERE for me during my darkest times, as opposed to calling my grandma (my own flesh and blood). I value connections in this world, DEEP connections. I was never into small talk, EVER. This is the essence of who I am.

Grandparents can offer so much wisdom to their grandchildren, and it does make me feel a bit frustrated I never had this relationship with her (or my grandmother from my dad’s side who recently passed). But it’s all about the spirituality of ACCEPT & SURRENDER. This is the path of my life I chose to take (I don’t recall being eager to drive to Brooklyn every weekend to try to be with her, and I certainly don’t recall her trying to come to Jersey to do the same with me). And that’s fine. Do you know how I know that’s fine? Because the universe will give you everything you need. It was all supposed to happen this way. There are lots of lessons in all of this, you can take it how you see it. But what I do KNOW for sure is that GUILT is a complete waste of time. I’m making a vow to surrender to this whole ordeal, and I hope my mother does too (she sounded like she was leaning that way on the phone last night, with a bit of lingering of resentment).

My mom is a BADASS HERO

But in all honesty, shout out to my mom for all the hard work she does for her, it’s really quite amazing. I just hope she’s doing it for the right reasons and factoring in self-care in all of this.

Good job, mom, you are freaking amazing! And so are you, Grandma, still kicking ass and eating shrimp like a boss (inside joke). Going forward, my sister and I vowed to do a once a week call TOGETHER with grandma. Compromise is a beautiful thing.

 

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